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Literally and figuratively. After I was set up on a date recently I realized I don’t know how to date. I had lunch with a friend recently and she used the phrase “serial monogamist” and I’d always considered that a derogatory phrase… or at least something one would never want to be, or become.

So I googled it. From Urban Dictionary:

function: noun
one who spends as little time as possible being single, moving from the end of one relationship to the beginning of a new relationship as quickly as possible 

although the relationships in which many serial monogamists find themselves are also often short lived, the defining aspect of serial monogamy is the desire and ability to enter new relationships very quickly, thus abbreviating any period of single life during which the serial monogamist may begin to ask questions of an existential nature

Eh. I dunno. That’s not really me.
From Wikipedia:
Serial monogamy is characterized by a series of long- or short-term, exclusive sexual relationships entered into consecutively over the lifespan.
Bingo.
I can’t really say I want to get into an exclusive relationship right now. I’d like to date – to have someone, or a couple of people, to call when I would like to do things. Yes, I have friends – and most of them are married (or seriously coupled) and straight. Most of them with kids. Is that bad? Heck no! I love them – but really, their ability to go and do a lot of the stuff I want to do is not as great as I’d like.  They are in a different place. Their priority is their family – as it should be.
It would also be dishonest to say that I don’t ever want to be with someone long term, because eventually I want that. I’m just not in any hurry. There seem to be a lot of things in the way, a lot of things that enter into that process and sometimes it’s a heck of a lot easier to be single.
But, I really like having someone to hang out with, to take to things. Therefore I must be able to find a happy medium somewhere. And I wonder if that’s dating.
The other part of this is necessity… I bought tickets to Wicked – July 30th @ 7:30… Friends really want to see me take a date. I really want to see me take a date. Circumstances being what they are, I need some options…
Some interesting points have been made to me recently:
– I have an incredibly busy life
– When I spend time with people, they are mostly straight, married, etc
– I’ve done married
– I’m great at alone
– I’ve got single down cold
– I need to hang an “available” sign around my neck
– Dating is a skill and in order to get good at dating, one needs to do it
– I have very little experience dating
This leads us to Match.com and the Wicked Dating Experience and the next few months.
I signed up for Match.com on March 9th – the subscription expires on June 9th. Not sure which day I’ll do the countdown from… Wicked or the match expiration… but anyway… I am trying to do two things:
– Learn to date
– Find a date for Wicked – not a relationship. Not a girlfriend. A date for Wicked.
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To tell or not to tell – that is the question. I’ve been e-mailing a girl for a bit and she’s way cool. She suggested we meet – for cow’s milk or wine (the milk thing is a reference to my profile). Obviously I commented back in a booze-free way.
Her reply said “let’s grab a cocktail.”
I can handle this in a humorous way or do I deal with it when the time comes? I wrestle with his due to past experience…
I dated one girl a few times and I had a hunch she had a problem. When I told her I was sober over dinner she said “this will never work.” At the end of the night she was a bottle of Pinot deep and still wanted to see if I wanted to go back to her place and “knock boots.” I declined.
Another girl I cared for way more – and she cared for me. When we had “the talk” she said it would not work because I was sober.
Both women said I need to put that on the table as soon as possible so the other person can decide if it’s a road they want to go down. But… Does is that just allowing someone to judge the stereotype and not me?
I don’t have a solution today… More will be revealed.

I think this is technically the second or third week of being on match.com. So far the only things I’ve managed to accomplish are send a few e-mails and connect with people I really already know.

How’s that you ask? I hope I don’t have to explain the e-mail part.. but I’m only meeting or connecting with people who are a degree or two from my current friends.

Until this morning it didn’t really bother me. Ok, that’s really not true. It does bother me. The deal is – not too many people know I’m doing this, and I’m starting to feel some shame. The thing is I can see who has viewed my profile and I saw a previous girlfriend’s very good friend viewed me. Late last week I saw one of Jen’s friends viewed me.

I have clear objectives for why I’m doing this – but they don’t know that. I feel… desperate? Vulnerable. I feel the need to justify to the person in the inner circle – to explain myself. What I feel like is I should be able to know how to date. That I should be able to meet people on my own, that this skill should come naturally and my network ought to provide women who I may choose to date.

But it doesn’t – none of it does. And for all of that I feel embarassed. Ashamed.

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