I think this is technically the second or third week of being on match.com. So far the only things I’ve managed to accomplish are send a few e-mails and connect with people I really already know.

How’s that you ask? I hope I don’t have to explain the e-mail part.. but I’m only meeting or connecting with people who are a degree or two from my current friends.

Until this morning it didn’t really bother me. Ok, that’s really not true. It does bother me. The deal is – not too many people know I’m doing this, and I’m starting to feel some shame. The thing is I can see who has viewed my profile and I saw a previous girlfriend’s very good friend viewed me. Late last week I saw one of Jen’s friends viewed me.

I have clear objectives for why I’m doing this – but they don’t know that. I feel… desperate? Vulnerable. I feel the need to justify to the person in the inner circle – to explain myself. What I feel like is I should be able to know how to date. That I should be able to meet people on my own, that this skill should come naturally and my network ought to provide women who I may choose to date.

But it doesn’t – none of it does. And for all of that I feel embarassed. Ashamed.

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