I’ve got another round of “lessons learned” that dovetail with a lot of the events of 2011. It was a great year and I grew a great deal. Most of it I knew, but didn’t know.

What I really hope to remember going forward is…

The moment I get the desire to have that “where are we going and what are we doing” check my gut. Truth be told – I know. I have a one-way ticket to nowhere and I’ve got a window seat. 🙂 No one wants to have that conversation. They really don’t want to have it every other weekend. The desire to have the conversation stems from a place to push the point.

Talking about “our connection” does nada to enhance “the connection.” In fact, it hinders connection-building. It places pressure on two individuals that may very well care for each other and want to see where something is going. Both potential and momentum are lost in one fell swoop.

It’s not personal. This is huge and a point I missed for years and years. Finally a friend let me in on the secret. Players aren’t players until they find “the one.” They are players until they get right with themselves, or something happens where they get to a place where they just aren’t players (or selfish assholes or narcissistic – fill in the blank). They don’t wake up one day and say, “Wow, I’ve got this really great girl here and I’ve been treating her like shit and stringing her along… I gotta change my ways.” Nope. Doesn’t happen. The magic words for me were, “if you were any more awesome, it wouldn’t matter.” That’s right – I’m already awesome – and this dumbass can’t see it. It’s not personal.

Pursuant to the above point: Stop trying – it doesn’t matter. In my striving to be perfect, it just doesn’t matter. Unbelievably thoughtful birthday presents aren’t going to tip the scale. Making sacrifices that I otherwise wouldn’t make won’t deliver the perfect relationship. In the end, it’s going where it’s going and there isn’t a whole lot I can do about it.

Please don’t think these are ramblings of a bitter lesbian, now jaded by crappy online dating experiences. On the contrary I feel overwhelmingly blessed that I’ve had these experiences. I wish I had them years ago, but I wasn’t ready to learn the lessons obviously.

What does one do? Yeah, I dunno. I can tell you I’ve stopped trying. I am way happy and just living my life. The test will be when I start dating again. Will I project? Will I try to be perfect? Will I want to have those annoying as hell conversations again?

Or will I just want to go ride? Will I just dig hanging out? Will the moment be enough?

God I hope so.

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